You never think about being finished with your goals, you always think about the work, but never being finished. There is a cavity in my spirit where ambition once was now sits indolence. What weight does ambition hold if I’m able to obtain anything I want?
Never mind the things I use to want, they have no shine. Cherished day dreams long gone, replaced just like my ambition. It was a very long eight years for me to build my T.I.M.E. contrivance now I’m hesitant to use it. What is my first step? My mind throbs with ideas so I decided to write down what I want in life.
My lab is a white walled chamber divided by four main sections with each section divided into corner sections, so I can work on pieces collectively and individually. A holodow comes on every four hours, projecting random climates of the outside world. I sit at my main table staring at the contrivance, it looks like a piece of glass but when held in hand the controls appear. Time is just a consumption of energy I’ve tracked what elements get used throughout our galaxy in a galactic day. The contrivance is a receiver that allows me to mimic an element, posing as a free radical in the galaxy.
I stand before my tall white wall using my mindtop I write every scenario, ideas of ruling the world come to mind along with simple, feeble thoughts. I would like to know the life of the common man, an honest person, wife and children. Posing as an important figure in factual history would be fun. People would say “Did you know you look just like….?”
I’ve used two walls since I started writing down ideas and I’m now working on the third. While planning I would always say I could start sooner so I had to discover the best time to pick for my entrance into the proper time.
I exist outside of time now. Is this how it works? This was another thing that twists in my mind. Am I the first being of true existence? I was finishing up the third wall I hoped that my mind was dry, but yet it still poured onto the fourth wall. The image of the actual mid-afternoon shined through my script. My last idea became my best idea and I knew what needed to be done. I can now be in two different places at once better yet I can be in infinite places at once. I will go to this point in Space-time and retrieve myself from this moment. I can place myself into certain eras of time to grow as a conglomerate of Space Time. All that was left to do was for me to use the device. I walked toward the device reaching for it like a surgeon for a scalpen.
The contrivance glows with all colors while resting in my hand, my gaze couldn’t be broken from it. An orange gelatinous glow swallows the white lab and produces a cool breeze. But this was not coming from my contrivance. The glow disappears as soon as it came. I stand in my lab same stance as before, until I hear a voice.
“Mr. Breedlove I won’t bore you with what you know I will just tell you what you want to know.” I’m staring at another me but a different version; he is sharper in his physical appearance. He’s wearing a brown three piece suit with an emerald bow tie. His autumn hair looks too perfect. His blue eyes a brighter blue than blue has or will ever be. I’ve heard my voice from recordings of all types but watching him move seeing my mannerisms is a bad joke.
This other version of me walks around the white lab as if unfamiliar with its surroundings. As he touches certain objects he would chuckle or have a long gaze in whatever contraption he was touching.
“So when do I leave? Where and when will I be?” I ask my sharper self that was wandering around my office. He speaks to me while looking at a dismantled gadget.
“I will have to prepare you for singularity.”
The jumbled gadget hangs from all reaches of his hand while he tinkered with it. He reaches into his inner coat pocket and pulls out a contrivance of his own. The orange glow returns taking my sharper self to wherever he came. My contrivance hums, I look at the screen my future self has sent me a list of coordinates I’m to travel.
I think away what I wrote on the wall and begin anew, if I was to make a perfect life I need to ask my future self the correct questions. The holodow shows the sun at its highest point in the afternoon sky. I only pay attention to writings on the wall, filling the space of these walls was more difficult than before.
The third white wall is finished while the fourth waited. I thought about the versions of me that I would like to meet but only if they have reached this ability to travel Space Time. I pick four well defined versions of myself I would like to meet. The orange jelly light brings with it a cool breeze returns along with my future self.
“Hello Mr. Breedlove.” He checks his clothes from where he is standing he logs into my personal hometop. He surfs browser pages and he projects them onto one of the white walls of the lab. The websites are very strange. “Any subjects catching your eyes?” My sharper self says.
“No, should they?”
He shows me an upgrade to the contrivance; I have the ability to be real-time active in any era’s internet.
While working with my future self I can’t help but stare at him, he seems to have skin but more natural than mine. I can hear the tiny mechanical hums of his eyes and ears. His prominent features are sharper than mine when juxtaposed to me. He could be defined as a better version of me but something was missing from him, I have something he lost but this could just be jealousy.
My biggest complaint I have with my future self is a scar I received on my left hand in my youth, it was gone, stripped away. It wasn’t as if the scar never happened more that I never learned the lesson. We walk around my lab waiting to speak, does he wait for me to say the words or does he know I will start?
“Tell me about the worst case scenario.” I ask.
“You aren’t the only thing spilling in and around Space Time and you can get lost. Getting from the hallway to the door is dangerous.”
We have the same stride in walking. “It isn’t hard to stay safe you’ll just have to be smart. The longer you spend in the hallway the more attention you attract, catch my drift?” The sharper me says. “How many of me are actively living a Space Time traveling life?” I ask
“All.” He projects memories or lives on top of my eyes and I go at these images as if they are really in my eyes. He notices that I cannot handle them so he closes them. I try to catch my breath while he’s speaking to me. “It’s nice to have a backup plan; you never know when you’ll need it. Some people will have money saved but you’ll have time on tap.”
“What happens to the majority of me from using the contrivance?” I hear the mechanical whirl of his eyes as he speaks.
“Suicide. It isn’t how you would think it would be it’s more of an awareness of ending. We are no longer Homo sapiens and at this point of our existence we choose to die.”
He speaks about futures where birth may look natural but with the steady stream of machinery in people’s blood. Over the years the Homo sapiens was replaced without anyone noticing. I wondered if I had a hand in that.
“What is the latest date I’ve traveled too?” He looks away from me to look at the white wall in front of him. I can feel him inside my server controlling my mindtop he has erased my writings from the wall at the same time the holodow shows the night sky filled with celestial dust that paints our galactic sky.
“We see all that there is to see.” As the image of the night sky quickly fades my writings returns to the white walls.
Certain moments I went to watch my younger versions they knew someone was watching them and I remember having the feeling or do I? Is this Déjà vu? It’s easy to get confused. I don’t know where I start anymore. My sharper self assures me that we aren’t damaging the fabrics of the universe while traveling to and fro Space Time.
Observing my past actions feels like I’m changing them like I’m in sync with myself in certain moments in my life. From the small and simple and the grand and other worldly I knew these answers better than others.
Have I been doing this all my life? Secretly spying on myself giving myself helpful hints to what I want my life to be. I had to overthink every thought; my mind couldn’t stop thinking about every little detail. I ask my sharper self. “How do you handle your new thought process?”
“This is the point in our history when we start the upgrades and implants. It’s the only way you’ll survive.” I think to myself and he interrupts my thought. “Stop thinking of me as if I’m the same person you are. The process is shorter than a blink, you’ll become something greater.” Once he said those words I scream.
“No, I want to remain human.” I feared that it’d already changed me without my consent. I’ve lost the joy of all comforts in these recent times I don’t know what I truly have anymore. What has made me who I am? I once savored the slow cool glow of the orange light. “I will return once you make the right choice.” While in its embrace you could taste time, hear its pull and feel its warmth. Now when I see this poisonous sunrise made with certainty and powered by facts I know my life to be over. My future self was pushing what I thought was my own will but as I continued thinking about every step so logically I stopped thinking that this future version was me. Like looking at an old photo of yourself you ask. “How can that be me?” Yet here you are the same as you are now and later. I thought I was a better person, I believe that power doesn’t corrupt a person, but this had tainted every version of me. I have given myself a plague.
I pace around my white wall lab hoping the walk would calm me. I wanted to end this madness I wanted to be done with the contrivance. Simply destroying it wouldn’t suffice. All versions of me exist they‘d still be able to find me as well. Once again the orange glob occupied the room. It is another me fresher than the other Breedlove, this one has his hair long his skin is tanner than mine has ever been. I see sweat on his brow and the intense breathing of his body.
“Mr. Breedlove am I too late? Have they already gained your consciousness?” The tan me says. He knows where my furniture is so he went straight for my bed lifelessly sinking onto it. I ask if he needed water he assured me that he was fine. He sat up on the bed in a quick movement slouching unlike the sharper Breedlove who is always straight even when sitting. I have to ask. “Are you human?” The way he looks at me, the contortion of his eyebrows, they rise of one of his cheeks and the smirk of his lips convinced me that he is a human.
“More human than Sampi Breedlove if that’s what you’re asking.” He told me that’s how they were categorized, the other Breedloves’ by letters of all known alphabets. “Did you think you would just stop after you made the T.I.M.E. contrivance? There are more horrors to make than you ever thought possible, I’m here to let you know there is a light.”
He is telling me that two versions of me entered a pact they would travel the lives of each Breedlove guiding us to making the contrivance. Then something happened and now I’m at war with myself.
“What put them at odds?” I ask.
“They found one Breedlove that had no interest in science but the love of a woman. They both decided not to interfere with his life it was clear what he wanted.” He gets up from my bed and is staring at the wall to the right when the holodow turns on, it shows the blue-grey of the sky at sunset. Did he know it was to appear on that side of the wall?
“The Breedlove that seeks you is A. Breedlove he wanted that woman for himself, he killed that Breedlove and took his life. The woman knew something was different about that Breedlove so she broke it off with him and he took his anger out himself.”
The orange glow plops into the space of the room and I thought I could hear my heart smacking against my chest. I watched the other me try to hide behind a large machine I’d been working on. He was putting on a smooth textured glove black in color. I walk toward what I now know as Sampi Breedlove I stand directly in front of him.
I heard the swirl of his eyes after which I heard my natural self yelling at me to get down. Sampi grabs me by my bicep flinging me away from the battle I hear the crackling of lighting and feel the heat of fire. I’ve flipped over the table I land on to watch what is happening. My natural self is keeping Sampi at bay by using the black glove. The glove shoots electric bolts. Sampi is slapping the bolt towards the ceiling with little to no movement and effort.
I went to look for my contrivance to make my escape and I see my natural-self running toward me. When he is at a sure distance he dives at me. Once in his grip we are wrapped in the orange bag of light and breeze. We watch as Sampi disappeared before our eyes. We stand in another lab of white walls.
“We all go by our given name so if you want to talk to someone just tap them on the shoulder.” I take a delicate look around and see countless versions of myself working on machines. “Welcome to home base,” my natural self says to me as he walks me to introduce me to myself. The leader of this band of individuals claims to be the first Breedlove to construct the T.I.M.E. contrivance. We are walking toward him his clothing isn’t skintight it only appears to be. I can see no defining figures of the body. His head is shaved and still has the scar on his left hand. He slightly elevates himself off of the ground and glides toward us landing softly on the ground his voice is in our minds. “Salutations young Breedlove, welcome to Legacy.” He told me about how he and A. Breedlove started to fight this war. “He saw himself as the superior version to all of us and wants what we all have and one day get.”
He shows me to a private room and speaks to me in my mind from the doorway.
“We will speak more later, you need much rest.” My rest came easy but the longevity of it is the question. Every toss and turn woke me my fear of Sampi coming into this room and practically eating me kept awake.
I exit my room I need more space to think. As I walk to the main room of the white lab I could see countless other versions of myself. Each one is involved with one another like ideal brothers. I am greeted and ignored by myself as I walk like so many other versions of myself when thinking. An orange glow explodes into the main room which bothers all of us. It’s once gentle breeze now a hard gust, its cool touch now a slow burn. In the center of the main room of the white lab stood seven Breedloves’ they all share the sharp look of Sampi. One of the alphabet Breedloves’ boils away a natural Breedlove in front of us. The stench of it shakes the foundations of my strength. The natural Breedloves’ give them the fight they are looking for.
I run back to the room I was shown earlier knowing I wouldn’t find solace. I just want to be comfortable when I’m to be boiled. I start to hear myself in my head, it didn’t make any sense and it was hard to hear at first, but I started to listen. It must be the leader of Legacy.
“I can send you back but you have to convince him.” I watch the orange glow expand from the inside of my body. He must have found a way to do it without the contrivance. The room shifts, waves and wobbles shifting into the white walls of a lab.
“How did you get in here? You look horrible what happened?” I turn to face myself he staggers backward at the sight of our face. I look to the wall on the left as the holodow turns on showing us a day filled with the best colors a day can have its greens, yellows, reds and blues.
“What has happened?” he asks me. I tell him the most logical question to ask is where did we go wrong I ask to use his shower and clothes. He tells me, “They’re yours.” I return to the main room of the lab in a better state and sit before him beginning our chat.
“This will be easier if you just listen to me. Once you finish construction of the T.I.M.E. contrivance a version of you will come.” I tell him about our war not knowing if the fight I escaped was a battle or the end of the war. I worry that they’ll be coming after me.” He asks an interesting question. “How do you know that this isn’t the start of the pact? You told me yourself that you don’t have a contrivance.” He is correct I don’t, I would need one to leave. Wait, I know what I must do.” My younger self arose from his chair pacing the room while he speaks. “I build the T.I.M.E. contrivance all I have to do is not build it.”
“Then why aren’t I disappearing?” I raise my arms in puzzlement staring at my younger self pacing away.
“I’m building the contrivance as we speak you know of our passion for the contrivance, it has filled my spirit for the last three years I just cannot stop.” I tell him it will be five more years until he will completely finish it. Colors are stripped away from my vision my frame becomes translucent I assume this is dying. My mind returns to me and I ask my younger self what has happened. “I saw you transform into all kinds of things, I think it has something to do with you telling me it takes eight years for me to complete the contrivance.” We hear a knock on the door I fear it may be one of the alphabet Breedlove’s to kill us. He signals me to hide as he goes to answer the door. “Hello Collie what can I do you for?” I had forgotten about Collie she is interested in my work, more than myself as times. Her eyes the color of forgiveness a smile that tames fears but my work was more important. My younger self has returned to the main room with a look of frustration pasted to his face.
“My ambition was shaken when you said it will take five more years I must become unmotivated by this goal.” We both knew what needed to be done it was easier for me to come to this conclusion then my younger self. He only knew of his work not his futures.
“Let me rest, have you filled the spare room with parts yet?” He shook his head no I entered the room I struck the bed with my body I didn’t remove clothing I just wanted sleep. We woke at the same hour but I exited my room before my younger self I waited for him in the main room of the lab. As I waited I tinkered with a few things putting him a few steps ahead of himself. I was sitting idly when he came out of his room he was buttoning his sleeves as he walks and talks. “You’re my dream, I’ve done nothing but think about you since I found Temporal Ions this isn’t something that you just give up.” He is right I’ve never had to sway myself into not doing something I want to do.
I go to my younger self he stands before me holding the first prototype of the T.I.M.E. contrivance he throws it to the ground smashing it with his foot. He goes into his office logging in his desktop deleting the T.I.M.E. files from the computer. My vision is static I feel empty I pass out. I wake in a bed I see my younger self he has placed a sleek silver pistol on my lap.
“You’ve been asleep for a while I have been destroying things connected to the contrivance.” He picked up the smooth silver pistol placing it to his head. “I can’t stop thinking about it even from what you’ve told me how I wish to see those worlds.”
“Please there is another way. You’ll need something to occupy your time.” I stare into the eyes of my more confident self. A bang on the door scared the both of us.
“Damn it, Collie she would ruin her own funeral.”
I stop my younger self with my voice.
“What if we were defined by the choices we didn’t make? Just ride the E-mag, spend this day with her.”
I hear the door shut as I lay in bed, my thoughts came to the man that just left for it was a man that I did not know. A man I’ve never thought of. A window is to the right of me I watch the day change as I fade away with it.